Saturday, August 19, 2023
Happy Birthday my dearest Farmer ❤
I hope that you're well and happy wherever you are.
♡ Cookie
5:56 AM
Tuesday, November 29, 2022
In the blink of an eye, it's been exactly 11 years since I met you. Although time have pretty much dulled whatever feelings I had, the memories are still there and chances are they will still stay regardless of how much time have passed.
I still do think about you occasionally. Remembering some of the things you've said to me. Remembering how for a good period of time, nothing else matters except one another. Remembering how much I've hurt you, and lost you. Just like what you once said, you can't undo how you feel but you can feel it to the fullest. Likewise, I can never undo how I've felt for you. It's been more than 10 years but every time I think about the past my heart just hurts. "Have you ever feel loving and hurting at the same time? Like the very love cutting our own heart?" That was what you asked me and I can say that that is exactly how I feel every single time you come to mind.
I dreamt of you last night for some reason. I guess subconsciously I've always had it in my mind that 11 years ago, this was the day I met and fell for you. I've never regretted it for one moment. The only regret I have was hurting you. But there's nothing I can do about it now. If I could ever turn back time, I would definitely redo it all over again. Too bad the world just doesn't work that way. It's so hard for me to finish writing every post because I always end up sobbing so hard that my mind goes blank. Guess I shall stop here for now.
Lighting the candle for the very love that exists, may happiness be with you always.
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“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect—you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break—her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.” - Bob Marley
10:24 PM
Friday, September 29, 2017
I'm really hating this facebook memories thing at times.. So, today it showed me a picture I uploaded on 29/9/2012. It was a ss of you hugging me. I remember back then they just introduced the pair motion and all we did was hugging each other, not giving a single care to anything else around. It's been 5 years.. And almost 2 years since we lost contact. Sometimes I do wonder how you are, if you're doing alright and have you achieved any of those dreams you talked to me about. And maybe you met someone new, someone who made you happy and finally took you away from me. Even if you did, I'm really happy for you. And afterall, I was the one who let you down first.
There were a lot of times when I wonder if I will ever let you go and move on, and each and every time I told myself I probably won't be able to get out of this.
A lot has happened the past 9 months or so. & I've come to realized that we both have already let go of each other completely and moved on unknowingly. As I began thinking of him more, the time I spent thinking of you is lesser and lesser to the point that if it weren't for facebook I probably would've forgotten about a lot of things..
I've met him, farmer. I've met the guy who makes me want to try and fight for a relationship. I've met the guy who makes me cry, the guy who has made my every emotion tied to everything he does. Most importantly, he's the guy who truly took my heart away from you, from every single thing that is related to you. I have really never ever imagined the day you're not the one in my heart anymore. But unknowingly, he has somehow replaced and took over you in there.
But please know that this doesn't mean whatever I felt for you is any lesser than what I'm feeling for him right now. I think it's more of the matter of when we met. When I met you I was still this young little girl who is ever so pampered and shielded from everything and every heartache. When I met you, all I knew to do is to walk in the opposite direction or just to do something stupid and hide like a coward at the first sign of any problem. And that was what I did. Which resulted in me hurting you tremendously. If I had been older and more mature, I would've fought for us like how I'm fighting now.
I just wanted to pop by here to share some thoughts after seeing those facebook memories. And boy, is that a lot of memories between us. All I hope for is you to be well and happy right now without me. And to let you know, I am alright too. Whatever memories we've had I would try to hold on as much as possible, in my heart. I do miss you farmer, a lot in fact.
5:52 PM
There were a lot of times when I wonder if I will ever let you go and move on, and each and every time I told myself I probably won't be able to get out of this.
A lot has happened the past 9 months or so. & I've come to realized that we both have already let go of each other completely and moved on unknowingly. As I began thinking of him more, the time I spent thinking of you is lesser and lesser to the point that if it weren't for facebook I probably would've forgotten about a lot of things..
I've met him, farmer. I've met the guy who makes me want to try and fight for a relationship. I've met the guy who makes me cry, the guy who has made my every emotion tied to everything he does. Most importantly, he's the guy who truly took my heart away from you, from every single thing that is related to you. I have really never ever imagined the day you're not the one in my heart anymore. But unknowingly, he has somehow replaced and took over you in there.
But please know that this doesn't mean whatever I felt for you is any lesser than what I'm feeling for him right now. I think it's more of the matter of when we met. When I met you I was still this young little girl who is ever so pampered and shielded from everything and every heartache. When I met you, all I knew to do is to walk in the opposite direction or just to do something stupid and hide like a coward at the first sign of any problem. And that was what I did. Which resulted in me hurting you tremendously. If I had been older and more mature, I would've fought for us like how I'm fighting now.
I just wanted to pop by here to share some thoughts after seeing those facebook memories. And boy, is that a lot of memories between us. All I hope for is you to be well and happy right now without me. And to let you know, I am alright too. Whatever memories we've had I would try to hold on as much as possible, in my heart. I do miss you farmer, a lot in fact.
5:52 PM
Friday, August 18, 2017
It's 18/8, one day before your birthday. I hope that wherever you are, you're happy and well. I've missed you farmer. Couple of weeks back was exactly one year after the game has closed. And I still can't help but wonder would things have been different if I actually were able to meet you for one last time?
4:27 AM
4:27 AM
Saturday, March 25, 2017
"Under this tree, if we don't meet, then we won't ever get separated."
This was one of the first of many things you've ever said to me. I guess I never really knew what it meant until now. If we've never met, we won't be separated now. If I've never met you, I would never have experienced the most epic love story of my life. If I've never met you, I would probably not know how much I can love a person. If I've never met you, I probably wouldn't be what I am right now..
It's been exactly 5 years since the day I met you. The day when everything changed. I never knew or understood how anyone can fall for someone they've never even met. But I did, and I'm sure you did too. It was love at first sight. Even though we never really did say it, we both knew it in our hearts.
--------------
It's 25/03/2017, almost 4 months since I drafted this post. I thought that time would make everything better. I thought that at least, it would heal a lil' bit of this pain but every time I think of you, it just hurts. It hurts so bad I could barely breathe. I've always thought about how it would be like to have the kind of love that consumes you. And that's how it is. For a period of time, my whole life truly revolved around you. Every little thing about you, be it good or bad, affects me greatly. For so many times, I tried so hard not to think of you, telling myself that I will get over it one day. But the fact is, I did not. I did not get over you at all. In fact, it seemed to hurt a little more every time I think of you.
╔
If I had not met him, I would not yearn for him.
If I did not know him, I would not think of him so much.
If we had not been together, I would not have to disappear.
If I did not treasure him so much, I would not have so many memories.
If I did not love him, we would not need to throw each other away.
If we had not been face-to-fact, we would never have been together.
Perhaps, if I had not met you at all.
- Scarlet Heart Ryeo-
╝
9:49 AM
This was one of the first of many things you've ever said to me. I guess I never really knew what it meant until now. If we've never met, we won't be separated now. If I've never met you, I would never have experienced the most epic love story of my life. If I've never met you, I would probably not know how much I can love a person. If I've never met you, I probably wouldn't be what I am right now..
It's been exactly 5 years since the day I met you. The day when everything changed. I never knew or understood how anyone can fall for someone they've never even met. But I did, and I'm sure you did too. It was love at first sight. Even though we never really did say it, we both knew it in our hearts.
--------------
It's 25/03/2017, almost 4 months since I drafted this post. I thought that time would make everything better. I thought that at least, it would heal a lil' bit of this pain but every time I think of you, it just hurts. It hurts so bad I could barely breathe. I've always thought about how it would be like to have the kind of love that consumes you. And that's how it is. For a period of time, my whole life truly revolved around you. Every little thing about you, be it good or bad, affects me greatly. For so many times, I tried so hard not to think of you, telling myself that I will get over it one day. But the fact is, I did not. I did not get over you at all. In fact, it seemed to hurt a little more every time I think of you.
╔
If I had not met him, I would not yearn for him.
If I did not know him, I would not think of him so much.
If we had not been together, I would not have to disappear.
If I did not treasure him so much, I would not have so many memories.
If I did not love him, we would not need to throw each other away.
If we had not been face-to-fact, we would never have been together.
Perhaps, if I had not met you at all.
- Scarlet Heart Ryeo-
╝
9:49 AM
Monday, July 4, 2016
Five years and one month. That's how long I've been playing DO. Pretty surprising considering that it's the first time I played a MMORPG. Despite trying out the private server for half a year and quitting for another year, I'm still back to the game somehow. & for a majority of the time I spent playing, he's the one and only person who's been in my heart and on my mind all the time.
4 years, 7 months and 5 days. That's how long I've known you for. Even after so long so long, I still remember the day I met you. I was training in maze when you appeared. Instead of killing me, you chose to party me instead. I've always known who you were even tho we've never spoken before. All the war stories that switch and victoria used to tell me. You told me that usually when someone ks your spot, you will just kill them without saying but somehow for some weird reason you chose to party me instead. And from there, we just talked and talked till we were both done training. It was way past my bedtime but I didn't want to sleep. I remember that I was feeling a lil' sleepy back then but I just wanted to talk to you. I never imagine that this attraction I have towards you would be so strong.
29-11-2011, the day my life in DO changed because I met you. You made me feel something no one has ever made me felt before. You're also my greatest regret in the game. The fact that I hurt you so badly and never had the chance to tell you how I really felt about you. But there's nothing I can do about it. All I can do now is just pen my thoughts in this blog, hoping that one day, you might be able to see this.
4:28 AM
4 years, 7 months and 5 days. That's how long I've known you for. Even after so long so long, I still remember the day I met you. I was training in maze when you appeared. Instead of killing me, you chose to party me instead. I've always known who you were even tho we've never spoken before. All the war stories that switch and victoria used to tell me. You told me that usually when someone ks your spot, you will just kill them without saying but somehow for some weird reason you chose to party me instead. And from there, we just talked and talked till we were both done training. It was way past my bedtime but I didn't want to sleep. I remember that I was feeling a lil' sleepy back then but I just wanted to talk to you. I never imagine that this attraction I have towards you would be so strong.
29-11-2011, the day my life in DO changed because I met you. You made me feel something no one has ever made me felt before. You're also my greatest regret in the game. The fact that I hurt you so badly and never had the chance to tell you how I really felt about you. But there's nothing I can do about it. All I can do now is just pen my thoughts in this blog, hoping that one day, you might be able to see this.
4:28 AM